


the stars are already dead

by rosesakura



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I'll update the tags as we go!!, Iwa and Oikawa are roommates, Iwa is doing his absolute best, M/M, POV Alternating, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Uncle Oikawa Tooru, big sad, deals with topics of death and mental health, it's rated M for the themes and one spicy scene that might come later, oh my god they were roommates, tags are a mess but I'll fix them eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-23 06:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30051519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesakura/pseuds/rosesakura
Summary: He could hear the wind rushing by his ears, slipping through the windows and stinging across his face. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly and his heartbroken scream echoed through the interior of the car.The last thing that flashed through his mind was Iwaizumi's face before the screeching of tires and the grinding of metal.----A death in Oikawa's family turns his world upside, throwing a wrench into his carefully laid plans for the future. Now tasked with looking after his family, he finds it nearly impossible to grieve on his own. Iwaizumi is there, because Iwaizumi is always there, but Oikawa feels himself pulling farther away as he tries to piece his life back together with the stubborn independence that has the potential to destroy him.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, it's really iwaoi focused but the other two are there
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	the stars are already dead

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> I've wanted to write a college AU for a while and I'm taking some of the details from canon but it's not exactly canon compliant. I just posted the first chapter to see if people were interested in this tbh hehe so the summary and tags might change a bit.
> 
> Full disclaimer: this is gonna be a sad story and deal with death and the grieving process, as well as some mental health issues. Like idk why this idea evolved into something so depressing but I'm just gonna go with it lol Please be safe reading and don't make yourself sad if any of those will be triggering <3 
> 
> Thanks for reading~

Iwaizumi stared at the tiny little white cursor hovering over the _End Call_ button on his computer screen. His finger tapped lightly against his mousepad, too softly for the laptop to register his touch.

The clock said 6:02am but Iwaizumi’s class didn’t start until 11:00. He was awake four hours too early in order to meet up with his insufferable best friend. Actually, he had been awake before that, the sharp text tone jerking him out of sleep as he got the message.

> From: Shittykawa
> 
> [ _2:42am_ ] Iwa-chan! (✿◠‿◠)  
> [ _2:42am_ ] Do you have time to chat tonight?  
> [ _2:43am_ ] I have something I need to talk to you about!
> 
> [ _2:46am_ ] you know it’s 3am here
> 
> [ _2:46am_ ] oops
> 
> [ _2:47am_ ] fine  
> [ _2:47am_ ] let me sleep for a couple more hours tho  
> [ _2:49am_ ] i actually have something i want to talk to you about too

His last message was read but Oikawa hadn’t given him a response, just told him that he would call him at 11:00pm Japan time and Iwaizumi grumbled as he did the quick math and set an alarm to wake up in three hours.

He didn’t know why since he hadn’t been able to fall back asleep, anyways. His mind was too busy berating himself for sending that last message.

He had no idea why he’d done it. He supposed he might have been a little hopeful that maybe they wanted to talk about the same thing but after he read Oikawa’s message again, when he was more awake, he realized that this probably wasn’t the tone of someone who was going to confess romantic feelings.

He felt like an idiot; his sleep-adled brain jumped to stupid conclusions and now Oikawa was going to ask him what his message meant and he was going to have to lie. Iwaizumi hated lying, despite having been doing it for the past ten years.

The clock ticked to 6:03am and Iwaizumi sighed. He settled back into his pillow and tapped a key on his computer to lower the screen brightness. It was too early for this. He shouldn’t have to go through this before the sun had even come up.

His eyes were drooping despite his attempts to keep them open, exhaustion finally pushing past his panic at explaining his message. He thought Oikawa might have forgotten him or fallen asleep before he was able to log online. He hoped that wasn’t the case. Here Iwaizumi was, messing up his own sleep cycle just for a chance to talk while Oikawa passed out before he could even reach his laptop.

Then again, Iwaizumi wasn’t the one on a prestigious volleyball team that practiced every free hour of the day.

He had been on the verge of nodding off when his screen lit up and the loading screen appeared. He watched tiredly as the circle spun around, attempting to find a connection over the miles that separated them.

 _“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here!”_ He winced lightly when Oikawa’s voice blared through his speakers as his call finally connected, probably waking his roommate up with the ridiculous volume. He hastened to find the volume button before deciding that it was probably better to just plug in his headphones.

 _“Don’t hang up on me!”_ Oikawa cried, as if he could tell Iwaizumi’s cursor was still resting on the _End Call_ button. He leaned over his desk and stared directly into the webcam. _“I didn’t forget! My bus was late.”_

Iwaizumi shook his head as he watched Oikawa turn around and fling his practice bag off his shoulder. “Uh-huh. Sure.”

On screen, Oikawa tore through his bag, pulling out his phone charger, a notebook, various articles of clothing, and a water bottle that looked to be empty based on the way it bounced across the floor. “You could have texted me to let me know,” Iwaizumi said as he stuffed his headphones in his ears. “Or called me on the bus.”

Drops of water flew from Oikawa’s hair as he whipped his head around and sprayed his room, somehow managing to hit the tiny webcam at the top of his laptop. _“My phone died,”_ he explained. _“And I hate talking to you on the bus. It’s too loud and there’s so many people around.”_

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Couldn’t you at least have dried your hair?” he grumbled as he watched the blurry figure of Oikawa move around. It wasn’t exactly warm in Japan right now, not like it was in California, and if Oikawa got sick, he’d never hear the end of it.

 _“Did you want me to be even more late?”_ he countered as he wiped the water off the lens. His face came into focus and Iwaizumi could make out a raised eyebrow and a knowing smile. _“I didn’t need you to be anymore pissed at me than I already knew you would be.”_

He would have liked to respond to that with some other waspish comment but it was at that moment that Oikawa decided he needed to take his shirt off. Iwaizumi’s gaze dropped to where his fingers were currently working the buttons open of his shirt and stayed fixed there, hoping to god that Oikawa couldn't tell what he was looking at.

“Whatever,” he grumbled as his mouth went dry. “You know I wouldn’t’ve cared.”

That was a lie -- he definitely would have complained about Oikawa being even more late than he already was since _he_ was the one who wanted to talk, anyways, but maybe he should learn to budget his time better.

Oikawa’s snort was ungraceful and he stood up to toss his shirt somewhere onto the bed behind him before his hands then moved to the zipper of his jeans.

“Do you have to fucking do that right now?” Iwaizumi blurted out before he could think about what his complaint might be implying. “This is a call between friends, not a cam boy session.”

Oikawa let loose a laugh that genuinely had Iwaizumi worried he could tell what he was staring at through the screen. _“What’s wrong, Iwa-chan?_ He teased as he turned around, his jeans completely undone and hanging low on his hips. _“It’s not anything you haven’t seen before.”_

Strictly speaking, that was true but it was different. The context of Oikawa in his private bedroom, taking his clothes off in front of Iwaizumi like it was fine, like this was something they did all the time, like this was something _Iwaizumi_ was allowed to see and watch and stare at…

“I don’t need my roommate walking in and thinking I’m watching some kind of weird porn,” he snapped back as Oikawa turned around and stepped out of his jeans, leaving him in nothing more than a practical pair of briefs that maybe didn’t have to be quite so tight.

Iwaizumi had to tear his eyes away from the screen, feeling his face heat up in an embarrassing flush as Oikawa only laughed again, carefree and completely unaware of Iwaizumi’s growing problem.

_“Does your roommate make a habit of coming into your room this early in the morning, Iwa-chan?”_

Oikawa’s voice sounded farther away and Iwaizumi braved a peek at his computer screen. The screen was empty and Iwaizumi figured Oikawa must have moved to go find a change of clothes. His eyes lingered on the pile of jeans still lying on the floor before he pinched himself to try and snap his thoughts away. _Now isn’t the time._

“Sometimes,” he answered shortly as Oikawa dropped into the chair at his desk, finally facing the laptop properly so Iwaizumi could actually see him. He pushed his glasses up his nose with a hand that looked like it was about 90% sweater and Iwaizumi fought down a smile.

Oikawa propped his chin on his hand and one of his eyebrows flew up into the fluffy bangs that were rapidly drying on his forehead. _“Oh? So early. Could roommate-chan not wait to spend some time with Iwa-chan?”_

Iwaizumi’s brows drew together and he glared through the monitor. “Shut up and stop implying stupid shit.”

 _“I’m just trying to find out more about your life,”_ Oikawa sang with a wink. _“Is he hot?”_

He wasn’t expecting the question, which resulted in him spluttering lightly.

 _“He is!”_ Oikawa clapped his hands together. _“Ahh, so lucky, Iwa-chan.”_

“He’s _taken,”_ Iwaizumi snapped, as if that was the sole reason he wasn’t dating Kagami. “And I doubt his boyfriend would appreciate your comments.”

 _“That doesn’t mean anything.”_ And who would have known Oikawa’s wink still had the ability to to piss him off even through the screen.

Iwaizumi shook his head. “You’re a piece of shit.”

 _“I’m just saying!”_ Oikawa sighed. _“Must be nice to have a hot roommate. Not like I could relate. I’m stuck living with my ugly best friend.”_

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes. “Fuck off.” Though it was true that Oikawa was no doubt the more attractive one of the two of them, Iwaizumi didn’t need that fact shoved in his face. “Maybe I’ll stay in California for the rest of my school career. At least Kagami is nice to me.”

Oikawa laughed loudly and it was probably a good thing he was living alone right now because his roommate would surely hate how loud he was, video calling his friend in the dead of night and laughing like a crazy person. “Wait, what time is it for you again?” Iwaizumi asked as he tried to force his tired brain to run through the math again.

Oikawa stifled a yawn and squinted at his keyboard. The light from the screen reflected on his glasses, obscuring his eyes in a sheen of glaring white. _“Mm, like 11ish at night, I think.”_ He chuckled lightly as he leaned back in his desk chair. _“So funny, Iwa-chan, that your day is just getting started and mine is ending.”_

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “You point that out every time we call.”

 _“And I will continue to do so until it stops being weird.”_ He crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his bottom lip out in a pout that made Iwaizumi want to reach through the screen and smack him.

Instead, he snorted. “It’s not going to stop being weird.”

Oikawa gave him a genuine smile and blinked slowly. _“I know it won’t.”_

The use of his headphones made Oikawa’s voice sound closer, almost as if he was sitting right next to him and whispering into his ear. Iwaizumi barely had the wherewithal to suppress the shudder that threatened to run through him.

They fell into a silence and Iwaizumi analyzed the screen with the same scrutiny Oikawa analyzed volleyball plays. Looking closer, he noticed that Oikawa was wearing one of his sweatshirts, an old grey thing that his mom gave him last Christmas and had stretched horribly when he accidentally threw it in the wash. The sleeves hung past Iwaizumi’s hands a hilarious amount but on Oikawa’s longer arms, it looked tasteful and cute. The fabric was comfortable and soft and perfect for sleeping in or relaxing on the couch after class. He wondered if Oikawa put the sweatshirt on on purpose or if he was so tired that he just grabbed the first thing he could find.

“You know, we didn’t have to call,” Iwaizumi mumbled, watching as his eyes drifted closed behind the lens of his glasses, glad for once that Oikawa wasn’t paying attention to him. Oikawa’s laptop had an unnatural colour saturation that highlighted reds and pinks in almost every image that passed across the screen and he did not need the dusting blush on his cheeks to be amplified any more than he assumed it already was.

_“Waa, but I want to talk to Iwa-chan!”_

Iwaizumi winced at the volume and tried to pretend that the words didn’t tug at something that suspiciously felt like his heart.

“We talk every day,” he returned with a roll of his eyes that was completely for show.

_“Well, we would have broken our streak if I decided to go to bed right after practice.”_

“Why are you even having practice so late?” Iwaizumi couldn’t help but ask, switching gears so that he could stop blushing, dammit. “Doesn’t your coach know that resting is important?”

_“Aww, is Iwa-chan worried about me?”_

“Not in the slightest,” Iwaizumi lied. It wasn’t that he was worried about practice exactly… but he had seen what it was like when Oikawa got too caught up in volleyball. He didn’t need his coach to be condoning that worrying behaviour.

Oikawa laughed again, obviously not believing him. _“Whatever you say, Mom,”_ he teased, fully taking advantage of the fact that Iwaizumi was miles away and couldn’t smack him for saying stupid shit like that. _“I am fine though,”_ he added in a light tone, not looking at the computer screen. _“You know, in case you were actually wondering.”_

“I wasn’t,” he lied again and Oikawa seemed to know it. He hummed lightly, putting his chin back into his hand.

 _“We don’t usually practice this late,”_ he told him, reaching his arms up to stretch over his head. _“But we’ve gotta get ready for the season! Some of the guys are still fighting for starting positions. It's getting tiresome.”_

Iwaizumi stifled his laugh. “Not everyone runs themselves into the ground for volleyball.”

 _“That’s their problem, not mine,”_ Oikawa hummed and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but be pleased with the confidence in Oikawa’s tone. Yeah, he could be a cocky bastard sometimes but he worked hard and earned the right to be a cocky bastard.

“You’re such an asshole,” is what he said.

Oikawa’s mouth opened, presumably to argue with him, but his phone rang again. He settled on pushing his bottom lip into a pout while he picked up his phone and cancelled the call again.

Iwaizumi checked his own phone, unsurprised to find no new messages. He talked to Oikawa the most and his other friends from Japan were kind enough to do the math and figure out that it was way too early in the morning to message Iwaizumi. When he unlocked it, it was open to their text conversation from earlier.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi asked as his eyes caught on the message that prompted their video call in the first place, “didn’t you say you had something to tell me?”

 _“Did I?”_ Oikawa sat up straighter in his seat. _“Hmm, I totally forgot about that.”_

Pfft. Yeah right. His tone clearly stated that he didn’t actually forget and was waiting for Iwaizumi to ask him about it so he could be dramatic as hell when giving the news. When he called him out on this, Oikawa merely scoffed and denied it.

“Alright, so what’s the news, then?” he asked, noting the way Oikawa stiffened slightly despite the excited gleam in his otherwise tired eyes. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

_“Well, Iwa-chan, do you remember when we were little--”_

Iwaizumi groaned. “Seriously, Shittykawa?”

_“--and I had such a big dream--”_

“Can you get on with it?”

_“--a dream that a young boy could never imagine coming true--”_

“10 words or less or I’m leaving,” he warned.

Oikawa pouted at him through the screen at having his dramatic monologue interrupted and quickly let out a sigh. He sat up a little straighter and squared his shoulders. _“I was accepted into that volleyball program in Argentina.”_

It took a while for Iwaizumi to process the words but, once he did, a warmth surged through him, so much so that it was almost overwhelming. He sat up, his back leaving the pillow behind him and he leaned closer to the camera. “Are you serious?”

_“No, Iwa-chan. I’m lying to you.”_

Iwaizumi sighed, more out of exasperation than irritation this time. “Oi. Don’t be a dick when I’m trying to congratulate you.”

_“You are?”_

“Of course!” Iwaizumi insisted. “Like you so graciously reminded me, you’ve been dreaming about something like this ever since you were little. That’s awesome!”

Oikawa’s face lit up and Iwaizumi’s heart rate picked up at how genuine it was. He could almost feel the happiness and relief that radiated out of him, even through the camera. _“Thank you, Iwa!”_

Iwaizumi decided to give him a smile back, because this was a big deal and he was genuinely excited for him. “I’m so proud of you, Tooru. Congratulations.”

Oikawa leaned back a little from the camera and his eyes widened. Iwaizumi’s fingers twitched over a button on his keyboard, two seconds away from taking a screenshot of the expression on his face. Before he could, it was gone, raised eyebrows and a cocky smirk replacing any genuine emotions. _Dammit._ _“Oh ho, first names, huh? You must be sincere.”_

It wasn’t exactly an unexpected comment; most of their teasing and bickering stemmed from the fact that they pretended they couldn’t stand each other. But for some reason, something about the way Oikawa said this rubbed him the wrong way. “Why would I not be sincere?”

Oikawa cast his eyes down, no longer looking into the webcam and the smile looked stilted on his face. He was being quiet, which was very out of character. Iwaizumi furrowed his brow. “What? You are going to take it, right? You’re going to accept?”

 _“Yeah, of course,”_ Oikawa insisted, though he answered a bit too quickly to be completely convincing.

“Then why do you sound like you’re hesitating?” He didn’t mean to demand an answer out of him but Iwaizumi was getting riled up very quickly. If he had to listen to more of Oikawa’s bullshit about not being good enough for something like this, or that they made a mistake asking him, Iwaizumi swore he was booking the next flight to Japan so he could go over there and beat his ass.

It took Oikawa a moment to answer him and, for a second, Iwaizumi wasn’t sure he was even going to. Eventually though, he let out a little sigh and focused his attention back to the camera. _“But I mean, are you… are you okay with that?”_

“What?” he snapped, confused beyond belief. Why would it matter if he was okay with it? It was Oikawa’s life, he had to make those kinds of decisions. “It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

_“Yeah! Yeah, it is but…”_

“But what?”

 _“Well, I mean…”_ he bit at his lip. _“You’re moving back after this year just as I’m going to be leaving… It’s just… I don’t know, doesn't that kind of…”_

“Suck?” Iwaizumi filled in for him, unable to think of another word that fit. He felt a bit lighter when Oikawa laughed.

 _“Yeah,”_ he agreed. _“Doesn’t that suck?”_

Iwaizumi shrugged, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that settled in his chest. “Course it does but we’ve managed to talk every day I’ve been gone. Why would it be different?” Unless Oikawa was getting sick of talking to him so much. Maybe he thought it was a bit much that they spoke every day. Maybe that was the real reason Oikawa was so late today.

He pushed that irrational fear aside. Oikawa was the one who suggested the call, there was no reason he would randomly stop speaking to him. “Besides,” he added hastily as he fought with his dumb thoughts, “the time difference is probably a bit better.”

_“Not much.”_

“But a little bit. So it’s… It’s fine.”

 _“Yeah…”_ Oikawa trailed off and looked off to the side, lowering his head slightly as he stared at his phone lying on his desk. The screen was lit up again but Oikawa made no move to answer it.

Iwaizumi frowned. He was fucking this up. Oikawa had come to him with awesome news but all he could seem to think about was how far apart they’d still be. That wasn’t right and his frown only deepened in response to his selfish streak.

“Seriously though.” He rounded back to the original point. “That’s great, Oikawa. I’m happy for you.”

If he had to say it a hundred times to get Oikawa to believe him, he would do it. The last thing he needed was being responsible for putting Oikawa’s dream on hold, especially when he didn’t think he had done anything to make Oikawa think he would tell him to stay.

Oikawa only nodded and aimed another smile into the camera. They sat in silence for another couple minutes before Oikawa perked up again. _“Hey. You said you had something you wanted to tell me too. What’s up?”_

Iwaizumi froze and he cursed his tired brain again for getting him into this mess. “Oh, it-- it was nothing.” How the hell was he supposed to tell Oikawa how he felt when he was going to be moving away to another country for who knows how long?

Oikawa scoffed. _“Iwa-chan, come on. It’s obviously something, I can see it on your face.”_

Fuck. How the hell could he read him so easily, even through a screen?

He opened his mouth to try and side step it again when Oikawa’s eyes flickered to his phone on the table for the third time. “You gonna get that?” he asked instead.

Oikawa huffed. _“Yeah, sorry. It’s my mom and this is like, the third time she’s called me. Hang on.”_

Iwaizumi leaned back, barely watching as Oikawa swiped the answer button and pulled the phone up to his ear.

What was he supposed to say now? Nothing would stop Oikawa from poking and prodding at him to try and figure out what secret Iwaizumi was hiding. It was one of his worst qualities: he was relentless. Especially when it came to Iwaizumi and making him tell him things he didn’t want him to know.

_“Oh, hey, Mom. Yeah, I know. Sorry.”_

Maybe it would work out. If he told Oikawa he might kind of like him a bit more than friends should like each other, maybe he would be excited to leave Japan, eager, even. If he was so hesitant to move away on his own, Iwaizumi would just have to push him.

_“Yeah, I’m home now. Practice ran kinda late.”_

Maybe he could say he was extending his stay in America. He had thought about it, after all. He had considered it, and some of his professors had suggested it might be to his benefit. This would be the perfect opportunity. Then he could confess from a massive distance, immediately disconnect when he felt like the embarrassment would kill him, and then disappear from Oikawa’s radar forever.

_“What? Yes… I’m sitting down. Mom, what’s going on?”_

It was a sound plan but Iwaizumi wasn’t sure he could do it. It was rather laughable to think that Iwaizumi had the capability to cut Oikawa off like that. He had been in his life for so long, even before he had developed these kinds of feelings for him, and contrary to what some people might think, Iwaizumi did make emotional connections and he hated breaking them.

_“Wait, what?”_

Something in his tone of voice caught his attention and Iwaizumi shut his thoughts down to focus on his screen. At first, he thought the stupid thing had frozen because Oikawa was not moving. His brow furrowed and he leaned forward to try and put himself in Oikawa’s field of vision before remembering he wasn’t actually with him.

“Oikawa,” he said hesitantly when a couple minutes had passed with no response. Oikawa's eyes glanced up to meet his and Iwaizumi felt as if he was punched in the gut by how sad they were. He pulled his laptop closer to him.

_“Um, okay. Yeah, sure. Do you need me to come down?”_

Who the hell was he talking to again? What could have happened to his mom that would require Oikawa to go see her? The sick anxiety in his stomach only grew and Iwaizumi clenched his fists.

_“Okay. No, that's fine. Yeah, yeah I can get there by myself. Just… just call me and I’ll leave right away.”_

Despite realizing that something was very, very wrong, Iwaizumi’s heart clenched at the thought of saying goodbye to Oikawa so soon. Usually their calls last around an hour at least. God, see? He couldn’t push Oikawa away from him; he was too damn selfish.

_“Okay, mom, thanks. I’ll talk to you soon. Yeah… yeah. I love you, too.”_

His voice broke at the end and the sound cut through the speakers. Iwaizumi’s face was so close to the screen that he was sure he looked like a complete moron. He forced himself to back up before speaking.

“What happened?” he asked when Oikawa lowered the phone to the table. His eyes were cast down and his shoulders were moving jerkily, like he was having trouble breathing.

Iwaizumi frowned when he only got silence in return. Rarely anything in this world had the capability to render Oikawa speechless. The only other time he had seen Oikawa act remotely like this was the loss to Karasuno in their third year. “Oikawa, what happened?”

The speakers crackled as Oikawa shifted in his seat. He shook his head and opened his mouth before simply sighing. His hand wound through his hair and he mumbled something unintelligible.

If he was there in person, Iwaizumi swore he would have hit him. Whether that would be the appropriate response remained to be seen but Iwaizumi was horribly worried and Oikawa wasn’t telling him anything and what else was he supposed to do?

“You have to talk to me,” he snapped, not out of anger so much as it was concern. “I can’t-- I’m not there, I don’t know what’s going on. Please, tell me.”

He was silent for another minute before inhaling sharply. _“That. Uhh. That was my mom.”_

Iwaizumi bit his lip and waited patiently for him to continue, scanning the screen.

 _“She-- she… My sister and her husband were in an accident.”_ Oikawa paused and took off his glasses, rubbing at the bridge of his nose before looking directly into the webcam. _“They don’t think they’re going to make it.”_

Going outside in the middle of the day in California wouldn’t even be able to take the chill out of Iwaizumi’s body at the news. His lips parted and he stared intently at the image of Oikawa on his screen.

“Tooru…” the name slipped from his mouth again, this time without him thinking about it. He waited hopefully for Oikawa to tease him about it again but was met with nothing. “I’m-- holy shit, I’m sorry.”

 _“Yeah. She’s, uh… she’s in surgery right now but they told mom not to be too hopeful because… God.”_ He dropped his head in his hands and covered his eyes but the bright light of the computer illuminated the tears streaming down his cheeks, anyways.

This had to be some kind of awful joke. Oikawa’s sister was young, Takeru was young, and why the hell would this happen to someone who had so much life left to live? Just before Iwaizumi had left for California, he had been invited to a dinner celebrating her promotion in her company.

Iwaizumi’s heart felt like it had jumped up his throat and it was painful to swallow. He was at a complete loss of what to say, what he could do that could help Oikawa feel even a fraction better. The miles that separated them suddenly felt longer than ever; they might as well have been on different planets for all the help he could give.

But he had to say _something._ He couldn’t just sit there and watch Oikawa cry without even trying to make it better. He hated it when Oikawa cried. He always shook when he cried, the strong line of his shoulders wavered when he tried to take in a breath and Iwaizumi had no idea why but it always seemed like he cried more tears out of his left eye compared to his right.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat. “I-- ahh, fuck. Do you have to-- should you go?”

 _“Mom told me not to rush down because she’ll be in surgery for a while…”_ Oikawa trailed off and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing out a couple more tears. _“She’s there alone and with Takeru -- thank god he wasn’t in the car but--”_

“No, no, yeah.” Iwaizumi shook his head far too aggressively for far too long. “I would go, too. I’m sure Takeru wants to see you. And you shouldn’t leave your mom.” The image of Oikawa’s mom sitting alone and scared in the hospital was too sad for Iwaizumi to even entertain.

 _“I might just need a minute,”_ Oikawa mumbled, catching his tears with the cuffs of their sweatshirt. Iwaizumi could see the water marks staining the edges of the fabric darker. _“Before I head down I just… I need to sort myself out and. You know.”_

“Yeah, I get it. Well, I don’t get it but…” _Stop talking, Hajime._ “Well, I’ll let you go--”

 _“Wait.”_ Slight static crackled over the speaker and Iwaizumi finally snapped his mouth closed. His eyes fixed on his screen, watching as Oikawa’s long fingers poked under his glasses to rub at his eyes. _“Sorry, um, but no. If-- if you could stay, I’d… Please stay.”_

“Yeah, of course.” The promise fell from his lips easily. As if Oikawa even had to ask. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

They fell into a heavy silence, one that stretched across the miles between them. Somewhere in his apartment, he could hear the banging of a door, signalling his roommate awake and making breakfast. Usually, he left anything extra for Iwaizumi but, today, he didn’t think he’d be able stomach it.

The noise seemed to have reached through his mic -- Kagami was always so _loud_ \-- and Oikawa glanced uneasily to the side.

“You should call someone.” Iwaizumi blurted out the suggestion louder than he meant to. Something about Oikawa sitting alone in his apartment when he was upset and going through something so terrible didn’t sit right with him. “Call Hanamaki or Suga or--”

 _“No,”_ Oikawa snapped before sucking his lip between his teeth and closing his eyes. _“Sorry, just not right now. Right now I just want to sit with you._ ” He looked at the screen before adding quietly _“Just you.”_

That stupid sentence had his heart pounding and he worked hard not to be distracted by it. Now wasn’t the time for his stupid pining. They were still best friends, regardless of what Iwaizumi’s heart hoped for, and that’s what he had to be right now.

His answer of “Okay” came out quietly and they settled back into silence.

Oikawa took a shaky breath. He fidgeted in his chair and Iwaziumi tracked the way his hands moved, swiping through his mussed hair, which looked like it had mostly dried at this point. They trailed down and Oikawa wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing over his shoulders.

God, he just looked so damn small.

“‘Kawa, I’m so sorry I’m not there.” Only apologies fell from his mouth; it was really all he could think of to say. Anything else would be far too intimate to admit to him right now, or maybe even ever.

_“No, that’s okay. I mean, how could you have known…”_

He didn’t have an answer for that. He was right but Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feeling pissed off anyways. It just felt like there was something he could do, or something he was supposed to do.

God, but this was frustrating. Every time something significant had happened in their lives, they were together. Between volleyball games, college acceptances, birthdays and milestones, Iwaizumi had never been farther than a few houses away from Oikawa at all times.

He hated this and hated himself and his decision to go to school in California. Really, what was he gaining here that he couldn’t find in Japan? Why couldn’t he have waited until next year to try school abroad?

Lost in his thoughts, Iwaizumi also had lost track of time.

 _“Umm, so I guess I need to find a way to get to the hospital.”_ Oikawa sounded hesitant, like he was scared or reluctant to leave. The tone of his voice made Iwaizumi’s heart ache and he was suddenly hit with something he could do.

“Take me with you,” he suggested impulsively, as if he was doing something to help just by being available to talk to him. “On your phone, or whatever. I’ll stay with you.”

Oikawa made a soft sound that resembled a whimper and his eyes blew wide as he stared at the screen. Slowly, one of his eyebrows rose up his face. _“Don’t you have class today?”_

“No.” He moved their chat off to the side of his screen, restoring down the window so that Oikawa was a smaller block but he could still see him. He clicked open a new tab, went to his email, and typed his professor’s name into the top line.

 _“Iwa-chan.”_ Oikawa tilted his head down and looked at the camera over the top of his glasses. _”I know you have class today. I know your schedule.”_

“It’s cancelled,” he insisted over the sound of his furiously typing fingers. _Good morning, Professor Martin. I will be unable to make it to class today due to an unexpected family emergency._

Oikawa laughed at that and the sound did a little bit to ease the tension in his shoulders. _“Whatever you say, Iwa-chan~”_ he hummed softly, leaning back on his hand and giving him a small smile.

He knew he didn’t believe him but that was fine. Better, actually. He knew where Iwaizumi’s priorities lay, even if he was too afraid to tell him that outright. _I was hoping you’d be available to speak with later in the week about the possibility of finishing my courses online back home. Please let me know when you’re available to speak._

**Author's Note:**

> SO yeah. it's starting sad and getting worse lol
> 
> Idk why I love to hurt Oikawa so much... it's so weird hehe 
> 
> If you enjoyed it or want to read more, feel free to let me know in the comments! :) or I have a [tumblr](https://my-rosesakura.tumblr.com/) and both my twitter and instagram handle is @myrosesakura if you wanna come scream about haikyuu with me, my dms are always open LOL
> 
> Stay safe, y'all <3


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